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[13 Aug 2006|09:40pm] |
and for some reason it just didnt matter anymore
(andilikeitthisway)
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[05 Feb 2006|02:15am] |
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sometimes i just feel like i cant do this anymore. that i cant keep thinking these thoughts and i cant keep doing these things im doing. and then i get scared that im wasting all this time. time that ill never get back. these moments will never come around again. and that makes me want to cry. but crying makes anyone feel vulnerable. but its nice to know that its only my thoughts that make me cry and its not something inflicted by anyone else. and sometimes i just want to breathe. and sometimes i want to think of nothing other than it will be okay. and sometimes i want to hold on. and sometimes i want to let go. and sometimes when i say i want to let go i really mean that i just want to be strong enough to hold on but i dont want anyone to know that. and other times when i say i want to let go i just want to forget. and i want to know that everything happens for a reason is just a lie. sometimes i just dont want to believe in anything. but most of the time there is nothing to believe in. ijustwantyou. but i really mean i need you. i cant think of anything but that these moments just keep on passing and taking us away. we just spend our lives waiting and wanting more. and im not okay with that. im not sure how i feel about being awake and thinking all of these things that i shouldnt be thinking. and making these thoughts that i shouldnt be making. where do they come from? what do they mean and why do they have to mean anything in the first place? no one can read this and know what im talking about. maybe you'll just think i need someone to talk to. but i dont. and maybe you'll think im scared and i'll tell you that you're right. maybe you'll think im dying and i'll tell you i wish i was. and then ill tell you to never believe me when i say that. maybe you should just leave me alone. do people ever think that its okay to be alone? that its not pitiful and its not depressing but its amazing. because you are never more yourself than when you are all alone. i just want to go somwhere beautiful. im sure its beautiful where you are. and im not sure where that is but im sure you like it. oh yeah. and my headphones. they saved my life.
and then
i feel like things are so peaceful sometimes. like right now. i forget to remember sometimes, and when i realize that im forgetting...it makes me infinitely happy.
"how i wish i could hug everyone and tell them its ok. its ok to be scared and angry and hurt and selfish. its part of being human."
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[17 Jan 2006|11:53am] |
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you're pretty much jealous.
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[10 Jan 2006|10:37am] |
wow. i never update this anymore.
i just like paper better.
anyways......so me and kristi were walking out of the dining hall today. and guess who we saw?
ashlee simpson. mhmmm. i guess she decided that whatever kind of high society kind of life she was living was just too damn boring. so she graced us with her presence at usf. hahaahahaha. awesome.
i go to school with a star.
that sucks ass.
♥
in other news.
i sent off a million letters to patrick yesterday and stamps cost 39 cents now. what the hell is this world coming to?
and i had to pay extra because they were long letters. i think im going to have to start writing front and back. but thats annoying to read dont you think?
okay.
byes
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[16 Dec 2005|10:44am] |
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dear continental airlines + ohio + michigan + karner family + sara + dan + anything/anyone else that gets her,
take good care of her.
and make sure she stays warm.
and make sure she smiles alot.
and never gets sad.
(and if she does comment and i'll tell you how to make her smile.)
and make sure she gets back to tampa on january 7th.
please?
kay thanks
love.always.
amymarie.
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[24 Nov 2005|11:40pm] |
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( p.e.r.f.e.c.t )
roll down the windows. and open our mouths. taste where we are. and play the music loud.
stop the car. lay on the grass. the planets spin. and we watch space pass.
((theres so much beauty it could make you cry))
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[21 Nov 2005|06:23pm] |
when the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace.
♥ ♥ ♥
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| some kind of comfort. |
[13 Nov 2005|03:31am] |
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i have all these random thoughts.
i want to decorate christmas cookies. snowmen and christmas trees and stars and snowflakes. with colored frosting and sprinkles. and i want to listen to all my favorite christmas music while i do it. and i want to do it in the kitchen on the third floor. and i only want to do it with kristi. and no one else.
i really like winter. and thinking of it makes me miss chicago.
i really cant wait to walk the city streets again.
i hope the snow is falling.
and i hope it looks as beautiful this christmas as it always does.
[.perfect.]
people live in such different worlds.
but im glad that theres some neat people sharing mine.
especially these two.
tonight reminded me of how much i miss my old mix cds.
and of how i love moments. you know..the kind that you never forget.
like the one we had tonight.
where we drove for an hour just to laugh and laugh about how pointless it all was.
but on the way home i realized i needed it.
i think we both did.
maybe just me.
i think ive been drowning myself in memories too much lately.
alot of that cant be healthy.
unless it makes you smile.
but this is the kind of contemplation that makes me cry.
.ireallywanttomeetcharlie.
and YOU remind me so much of him.
♥♥♥
i think i remembered while i never post.
i like writing on loose leaf much much better.
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[23 Oct 2005|10:22pm] |
dear friends in alabama,
its hurricaning. and theres signs all over the place telling us to put our stuff on top of our beds and get everything away from the windows. and we have to leave. :( . so if i never talk to you again. i probably got blown away to russia or something. or maybe i drowned. anyways. i love you guys! and all of the girlies i like can split my stuff if it doesnt get ruined. okay?
kay thanks,
amy
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[11 Oct 2005|09:17pm] |
♥ sometimes jumping into the ocean in the middle of the night is all it takes to get rid of everything you dont want to think about ♥
+tshirts and undies in the ocean
+best friends
+hot tub at the hilton
+screaming the spill canvas on the way home
+starbucks
theres a few things i want to let go of tonight
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| perfect moments |
[07 Oct 2005|01:52am] |
i got out of art class today, and it was pouring down rain.
so i hopped on my bike and rode back to my room.
and something about those few moments was amazingly comforting.
because all i could feel was warm rain running down my arms and legs and face
and when i got back i walked around barefoot in the puddles
and ive never felt so free in my life.
or so alone.
(butnotthe.lonely.kind.thekindwhere.nothing.in.theworld.could.disturb.you)
i saw people running and holding umbrelllas and scrambling to cover their hair.
and all i wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs and tell them to stop for two seconds and INDULGE
because no one does that anymore
(i had on my white cloth mary janes, and i was really happy because they needed to be washed, and they werent going to see the washing machine anytime soon.)
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[26 Sep 2005|10:28pm] |
thats the life
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[24 Sep 2005|09:46pm] |
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i absolutely love everything about my life right now. more than i ever ever thought i would.
ive had these dreams and passions bottled up inside of me for so long. and while i knew that i was one day going to live out every single moment i've ever had planned in my head, i had no idea when it was going to happen, or who it would be with.
ive always wanted to be able to wake up...and be on the coast...and be able to spend my days at the beach learning to surf. and im so close to living that out its amazing. Me and kristi spend every weekend at the beach....all day friday....until all day sunday when our cheeks are just too red - and our hair is just too tangly - and our skin just has too many layers of dried salt - and theres just a few too many itty bitty shells and sand bits hanging out in our bathing suits - and our legs are just too cramped from skim boarding - and our hands and feet and legs and knees and butts are just a little bit too cut up from falling on the shells - and our stomachs are just too empty from living off pretzels and cookies all weekend (its the cheapest food at hess. ha) - and there are no more places in the car to look for change to pay for meters and ice water from the shop....only then do we come home.
Could i seriously ask for anything better? and even though we're all barely making it .... and we can all barely pay to fill up the gas tank anymore .... or buy food or drinks .... or pay for meters .... or buy wax for our boards .... it doesnt even matter. nothing ever matters. and i like it that way. i was standing on the beach today, and paddy and john and travis and steve and a bunch of others were just standing on the coast all leaning on their boards watching for the perfect wave to drop on, and all i could do was smile . . . and know that this is life now. that these people are all i have here, and that im happier than i think i could ever be.
I finally feel like a teenager. I finally feel like i'm living life the way that i want to. beacuse right now, there are no strings attatched. i have no responsibilites and no commitments to anyone. besides school. but even that just seems so minor. I dont have a job. i dont have a boyfriend. i dont have family around. its just me. fending for myself...making things work...living with the results of every decision that i make.
i feel so free. i can pick up and go whereever i want...whenever i feel like going there. want to hear a crazy plan? june. me and kristi want to go to hawaii. and kristen better come too. but we want to work from now until then. and save. and buy a one way ticket to hawaii. and completely dirt rock it until we cant afford anything else but a plane ticket home. north shore has got to be killer. and while im not sure that it will all work out in the end? theres a damn good chance that it will happen and for now thats enough to make me happy. whats holding us back anyways? because money never mattered. we can make ends meet.
want to hear another crazy plan? well this one isnt as nuts. this ones pretty much real. this summer. when we get back from hawaii. we're gonna get a place. theres some little 2 bedroom houses on the beach. im being literal here. ON the beach. like...step out door...walk a few feet...BAM...beach. yeah. and they're little white wooden houses...and they rent out for 800 a month. which Seems like alot. but not when you pile me and john and kristi and travis and paddy and whoever the hell else will fit into it. because we're practically living together on the weekends anyways. and we're just going to work at night....hopefully waitressing so we can get tips. so we can skim all day. and work at night. sounds perfect. now all i need is my bestest. shes supposed to be here.
so today. was the best. crashed at johns last nite. woke up at 8. went to the beach. where it was just the locals. and watched all the boys surf....and the other boys skim because the waves were killer and would have ROCKED me and kristi. dont worry we just played in them. hehe. then me and kristi snuck away and went to clearwater where the waves were littler so we could skim. and we played around and skimmed and rode the waves....and laughed...and hugged....and talked....and told stories....and took beach naps....and loved life together. then john came and skimmed with us...i tried to learn a frontside shove it...but its alot harder than a backside. then we drove back home with the top off of the car....and the music too loud...and sang at the top of our lungs. and then they went on a date and i skated. and now im here. and im sunburned. and worn out. but the happiest little girl on this campus. pinky promise.
i guess i should probably rap this one up, but i reallllly hope that life is as wonderful for everyone else as it is for me. and if its not. then come visit. and you'll have the time of your life, and you'll stay. guaranteed.
i miss my friends alot.
but i know we'll see each other soon.
<3somuchlove.
mix cds so far.
1. the acoustic mix ... called ... for night drives and perfect moments
2. the singing mix ... for car dancing and screaming out your lungs
3. the other singing mix...geared more for the beach...:)
and many more to come. we got some serious roadtrips coming up here....
::::love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love.love::::
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| thats just who i am this week |
[04 Sep 2005|11:35pm] |
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so this weekend was possibly one of the best ive had.
Friday night me and kristi drove to clearwater and hung out with the guys....crashed at patricks house then woke up the next morning at like 9 and went to the beach. skimmed allll day long...until the sun went down....crashed at patricks again..woke up today and skimmed alllll day long again...drove home.
my body is so pissed at me right now. im mad burnt on my shoulders and face. and every single muscle in my body hurts from skimming. its the closest i can get to surfing for now...so im down. its so much fun too.
i think this whole thing still feels like one big dream. but then i realize that its life now. that i can drive to the beach with kristi and sing at the top of my lungs with the windows down and skim all day and hang out all nite and do it over and over again. its life now. and i couldnt be happier. the beach is where i belong. and im finally home. <3
( dorm+beach )
<3ilovethisplace
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[22 Aug 2005|10:47pm] |
moved all my stuff to my dorm today.
i dont MOVE IN until wednsday but at least I got all my shit in there.
i like my dorm alot more than i thought i would.
its cute.
and someone was blasting the spill canvas from their room while we were unpacking...that was awesome.
We ventured out into the real tampa tonite.
its absolutley gorgeous.
there are palm trees everywhere
and like 01212980zillion malls.
and a really sweet coffee shop that im in love with.
it has perfect nooks and crannies for reading and chatting.
I found my new favorite store tonight too.
its a surf shop that sells TONS of amazing clothes and surf boards and skate boards and music and books and it pretty much rules.
dad bought me some cute stuff because he loves me. haha
i got a new book tonite.
called verses that hurt.
its a ton of reallly incredible poetry.
theres sooo many books i want.
i wish i was rich sometimes.
i miss justin a shit ton.
and i miss alabama alot more than i expected.
i hope it misses me back.
and i hope tampa likes me.
<3
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[12 Aug 2005|02:18pm] |
hahahahahaahahahaha
this is ridiculous.
i am 18 right?
i am supposed to be at the beach this weekend.
with mary and jess <3
but instead ill be here. dont worry.
thanks to....adults.
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| shitsucks |
[07 Aug 2005|01:10pm] |
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sometimes i just don't think i can take anymore of this
( tattoo )
...there are so many people to love in my life....tell me why must i worry about one? ... (benharper)
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| oh shit. |
[30 Jul 2005|05:52pm] |
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last nite was awesome.
- shit getting stolen. pshhht.
- some chick flipping out on jacob
- people getting sick =(
OVERALL......it was a good time.
tonite should prove to be equally as amazing.
ackleys. come. everyone. cave 9. just do it.
THEN.....girl night with aereal. much needed.
and FUCK these stupid fights with kraig. they make me want to laugh because i feel like im in junior high.
i added another few holes to my body today. im up to 10 piercings. hah. what an addiction i have. same with tattoos. i swear i need another one. already?
uhm. my bee eff eff called me today out of the blue to tell me she loved me.
(ilovehertoo)
AND my other favorite boy called me today too.
but then his work stole him. shooot.
uhm....im out of dumb thoughts. and im sure this is getting lame. whats new.
<333333
ireallyjustwanttokisshimallover
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